Somebody to Love
by Dark Moon Riseing
Summary: Miroku’s struggle to find and acknowledge his heart’s desire, set to a soulmoving ballad.


**A/N:** I don't know what has come over me but I keep finding songs that inspire me to write, it's quite unnerving especially since I have always slightly despised song-fics; fate is a cruel mistress and I think some one somewhere is laughing.

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing but my ideas and definitely would never dream of claiming anything written by the brilliant Freddy Mercury.

**Summary: **Miroku's struggle to find and acknowledge his heart's desire, set to a soul-moving ballad.

**Somebody to love**

_Can anybody find me somebody to love?  
Each morning I get up I die a little  
Can barely stand on my feet  
Take a look (at your self) in the mirror and cry (and cry a little)  
I have spent all my years in believing you  
But I just cant get no relief,  
Lord!  
Somebody (somebody) , somebody  
Can anybody find me somebody to love? _

It hurt it really did, never being able to get close, watching as she cried and longed for someone who she couldn't have. In that respect he could sympathize he wanted no needed something beyond his reach, he wanted her. Every day it felt like his life was slowly being eaten away, every time he looked he saw himself reflected in her tears. Sometimes it just got to be too much and he had to step back and try to regain his equilibrium the loss of it being something he was definitely not accustomed to.

For a long time Miroku thought that is heart lay with the slayer, and sometimes he wished he still held such delusions, because somehow Sango was safe to care about, easier if you will. But all too soon he realized the truth, the gut-wrenching, heart-shattering truth, it was the youthful face and charming innocence of his other female companion that filled his thoughts and burned behind his eyes while he slept.

Before he joined with Inu-yasha it had been simple, beautifully simple, he would wander the land and look for a way to either end his curse or gain an heir to fight when his time was up. Though if he were to be honest with himself he had wished to maybe someday find what his father before him had, secretly all he really wanted was somebody to love.

_  
I work hard (he works hard) every day of my life  
I work till I ache my bones  
At the end I take home my hard earned pay all on my own -  
I get down on my knees  
And I start to pray_

_(praise the lord)  
Till the tears run down from my eyes  
Lord - somebody - somebody  
Can anybody find me - somebody to love?_

It wasn't as if he slacked in his duties, he was faithful and no matter how many times he wanted to just throw down his staff and robes and lay down, possibly forever he didn't. He resisted and kept going until his body and mind could take no more. Miroku withstood it all, the fear the torment of holding his life in his very hands, fought with all of his being to live another day but it seemed that he was destined to not be able to fight one thing that caused him the most pain, his heart.

At one point he thought he had over come his desire for the young Miko but deep down he knew it to be false. Every night for months he meditated, trying to clear his thoughts so he could focus on his battle against Naraku, his battle for the shards, his battle for life but it seemed the harder he tried the worst it got.

At one point he had disappeared from the group for three weeks, nobody knew where he was but in truth he was praying, praying to be stronger than his heart, praying to be able to face the one thing he had never had but always wanted, love. It was perhaps the only time other then his fathers death that he had broken down and let himself succumb to his pain and allow the cleansing drops of liquid fall from his eyes.

_  
(he works hard)_

_Everyday - I try and I try and I try -  
But everybody wants to put me down  
They say I'm goin crazy  
They say I got a lot of water in my brain  
Got no common sense  
(He's) I got nobody left to believe  
Yeah - yeah yeah yeah  
_

He knew he couldn't tell anybody about the direction of his heart, even though it hurt to admit it, everybody saw him as the lecherous monk who undoubtedly was a good friend but could never settle down with a female, let alone a female like Kagome. For a long time he had wanted them to see him that way, he worked hard to maintain that image, it kept people especially women at a safe distance. But it all changed when he met her, Miroku knew it was foolish to desire, to love her but he couldn't help it.

Now it hurt that they, that she, saw this when looking at him. So after a long while Miroku decided to change, he no longer touched or even really looked at other women, it surprised the entire group, much more in his opinion than it should have. They all laughed and asked him what was wrong, even joking that he was ill, well almost everyone, she seemed to know better, she seemed to somehow understand. Though in the end Miroku discounted her knowing looks and the discreet smiles sent his way, not truly believing that she saw his actions for what they were.

_  
Oh lord  
Somebody - somebody  
Can anybody find me somebody to love?   
_

_(anybody find me somebody to love)_

Was it really that hard? Idly Miroku mused that the hole in his hand wasn't his true curse, it was instead his inability to find true happiness. After all isn't that what Naraku loved to do most, torture those around him, making it impossible for them to ever be content? In a small twisted part of him mind Miroku actually found it humorous that he couldn't find it in himself to accept what his heart told him was true, thus making it unobtainable.

_  
Got no feel, I got no rhythm  
I just keep losing my beat_

_(just keep losing and losing)  
I'm ok, I'm alright  
Aint gonna face no defeat  
I just gotta get out of this prison cell_

_Oneday I'm gonna be free, lord!  
_

As the days wore on Miroku found that he was at a loss, he couldn't seem to get a hold of his thoughts or control his actions any longer. It was as if his whole world was off balance, thrown off kilter and spinning out of control. It got to be so bad that he almost gave up, but somehow things seemed to straighten themselves out and he could face whatever was to come with his head held high and his mind clear.

It was nearing the end and he knew it, but he was determined to see his journey through. Miroku didn't know what had happened to bring about this sudden determination, but he knew he'd succeed, or die trying. He knew he needed to break though whatever insecurities were holding him back, that were making him falter on his path. He knew that no matter what he'd break free and that in the end he would fight for his happiness and take what was his, and subsequently freeing his mind and soul from their torment.

He would find somebody to love, though he knew he had already found her, and he knew that one day she would be his.

_  
Find me somebody to love_

_Find me somebody to love_

_Find me somebody to love  
Can anybody find me_

_somebody to love?_

Fin

A/N: oops sorry bout that, thanks to MADMIKO for reminding me to put who the song was by, though I kinda threw in a hint in the disclaimer, Freddy Mercury was the lead singer and often the mind behind the music for one of the greatest bands of all time Queen also thanks to FLAMETWIRLER for catching the "through, throw " thing….

Dark


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